This Cold Winter is my Fault

Hey everybody!  Sorry for not blogging for awhile.  I’m such a slacker.  The flu and work-life has had me down for too long.  I didn’t feel like drinking wine for something like 3 weeks.  It was awful!  I even went to the doctor.  When I called to schedule an appointment, the receptionist asked me what my symptoms were and I told her that I had no desire to drink wine.  I heard her gasp (and I’m pretty sure her hand went straight to her heart), and she got me in right away…..she knows me.

This is when I know I am sick!

This is when I know I am sick!

Anyway – now that I am back in the living world, I’ve noticed how freakin’ cold it has been for what…..something like 9 months now???  It’s March 2nd and in my neck of the woods (which apparently still has ticks floating around since my dog just tested positive for Lyme Disease), it is -2 degrees!  This weather is just plain stupid!  So…….why is this winter so different from those in the past?  After several glasses of wine, the answer revealed itself to me (or maybe it was just a hallucination).  I know that meteorologists and researchers have been scrounging for answers as to why this winter has been so harsh.  And the Farmer’s Almanac is usually right 5% of the time.  If only the “experts” had consulted with me, because I KNOW WHY THIS WINTER HAS BEEN AWFUL!

Are you ready for this??  This winter has been so terrible because……..I ACTUALLY WISHED FOR THIS KIND OF WEATHER!  It’s true and terribly hard to believe.  It really is my fault…..totally. I take full responsibility at the risk of becoming reviled by every US citizen (and most illegal immigrants) east of the Mississippi (and west, too).

I take full responsibility

It really is my fault……sorry

This is what happened.  For the past several years, the east coast has experienced relatively mild winters and….quite frankly –  that has made me mad.  I hate 40 degree weather… after day of depressing dreariness. It’s that cold-ish, moist, grey weather that is just plain gross and makes living in this area a questionable location choice.  Who wants to live in climate limbo between winter and spring?  Snow vs. rain/sleet?  Cold vs. blah?

Last year when all of this in-between-ness with the weather was going on AGAIN, I distinctly remember saying to my husband, “D*mn it!  This weather is f*d!  I would rather have it cold than this 40 degree sh*t. (I didn’t really cuss like that, but you get the idea).  If it was going to be gross weather, then darn it….just give me cold!  The hell with this middle of the road, depressing slop that is the typical central PA clime!

So, yeah……I had clearly proclaimed that I preferred cold and snow over rain and grey skies.  I declared that winter should be winter and not a bunch of crappy drizzly days strung together.  In my defense, I probably lamented about the weather these last couple of years after having copious amounts of wine (even though I think I made those statements right smack dab in the middle of the work day….which might indicate that I have a drinking problem).  The fact of that matter was that I was sick and tired of awakening to grey mornings and enduring mid-40’s mist-laden days.  I consistently had to don an umbrella when I should have been wearing mittens.  I wore boots in January to wade through pot-holed puddles instead of tromping through piles of beautiful fluffy snow drifts.

The first of many snowfalls

The first of many snowfalls

We’re in the deep freeze, folks,  because I asked for it.    I didn’t mean for tons of snow and ice to descend upon us.  I just wanted 2 or 3 inches of downy delicate snow here and there.  I didn’t mean for 8 -12 inches at a time to pound the area.  And I certainly didn’t intend for the plethora of snow that once blanketed this area to morph into treacherous icy ground cover.

                                                                                It's even a challenge for sure-footed pets

It’s even a challenge for sure-footed pets

But – I ask you – what has happened with global warming?  Where are we at with that whole thing right now?

Nothing like sitting by a nice warm fire

Nothing like sitting by a nice warm fire

I thought that the temperature of the earth’s surface was supposed to be increasing.  The air temperature was rising as well. Winters were to become shorter.  Read that again…..winter’s were to become shorter!  Sure – there were  negative repercussions such as melting ice caps that affect wildlife,  extreme weather events, and rising sea levels.  But on a positive note – global warming was supposed to result in decreased snow cover in the Northern Hemisphere.  So – why didn’t that happen this year?  Because…….for some reason,  a higher power (God, in my book……) granted my request  of a “winter’s winter” instead of the in-between crap that we usually get.  So – yeah….I am totally to blame.  I asked for it……and now look where we are.

Go ahead and unfriend me on Facebook if that makes you feel better.  I deserve it.  Egg my house if you know where I live.  In August when the weather breaks, I’ll clean it off.

But – please accept my apologies for wishing this frigid winter on all of us.  I will never make such an invocation again…I promise.  I will welcome those endless disgusting cloudy moisture-laden days.  I will gladly raise my bumbershoot in joyous celebration of rain instead of snow!  I hope you all forgive me for my wishful thinking for a cold winter.  I’ve learned my lesson.  See you on Facebook……or maybe not.