I’m not kidding……a turd saved my cell phone. What you are about to read is graphic. Quit reading now if you don’t posses potty humor.
This is what happened – my colon did it’s “doo-dee” last night. I had just been to a meet and greet with Rainn Wilson (aka Dwight Schrute on The Office) at Penn State Harrisburg. Before heading to the other venue for his speech, I relieved myself in the nearest bathroom……my iPhone 5 in my back pocket of my cool jeans. I had just taken numerous pics of Rainn on my phone.
As I pulled up my pants after doing my business (please try NOT to visualize this), I heard an unmistakable “thunk.” I knew immediately what had happened. My cell phone had taken a disastrous dive.
Without hesitation, I stuck my newly manicured hand in that feculent waste water and pulled out my iPhone.
Seriously – my phone ended up face down (face-up would’ve been better) on toilet-papered excrement. If I could’ve taken a picture, I would have because it truly was a miracle! But how does one take a picture of one’s cell phone floating protectedly on a turd?
After disgustingly retrieving my contaminated cell phone out of the commode, I quickly dried it off with a ton of paper towels and also stuck it in the hand air blow dryer numerous times. Then I Purelled the hell out of it. When I got home, I soaked my iPhone case in a bleach/soap combination for 2 hours. I’m still scrubbing my hands. I cleaned the floors today and let my hands soak a couple extra minutes in Mr. Clean. I know it’s gross, but……thank God my phone landed on that solid mass.
Anyway – back to last night – I was really worried about my phone because the battery was almost dead when it took the dramatic plunge into the toilet. So – I couldn’t tell if my battery was just dead or if the whole phone died a toxic fecal death. As I listened to Rainn’s interesting speech, I lodged my befouled phone between my legs (again – please try not to visualize this) to warm up the phone and dry out whatever latrine water still remained in there. It really put a damper on the whole Rainn Wilson experience.
As soon as I got home, I plugged in my heavily disinfected turd phone into an outlet and prayed that it would revive itself. Lo and behold, it immediately showed signs of life! My poo-phone had survived!
I am just so relieved that my expensive phone is OK. I have used it numerous times today and it is functioning perfectly! It’s a bit stinky, but that’s alright…………just kidding…..it’s not stinky but every time I dial a phone number, bubbles escape from the bottom…….haha.
So……I have a lot to be thankful for this Thanksgiving with my iPhone rescue topping the list. Happy Turd-giving to all of you!