These Invisalign are Crampin’ My Wine

You’ve probably been anxious for an update on how I’ve been doing with my invisalign braces.  If that’s really the case, then you need to get a life!

Here’s a picture of me with my invisalign trays in………..can you tell??  Ok……so – it was 8:00 in the morning and I look kinda sleepy, but look at my teeth…….can you see the trays???

Wearing my invisalign like a good patient

At work and wearing my invisalign like a good patient

In my last post, my sister, Candy, replied that she was surprised that I was begging for Tylenol because my teeth were hurting…….. and why didn’t I  just partake of my go-to drug……….wine?  I thought that this question/observation was remarkably astute of Candy and quite frankly, I’m disappointed in the rest of you for not picking up on that.  I’ll give you a break this time, but don’t let it happen again.  Kudos to you, though, Candy!  Keep up the good work!

There was a reason I couldn’t resort to wine to numb the pain and it caused me great distress. I laid awake for several nights trying to figure out how to ditch the Tylenol in favor of wine.  This is the deal – I am supposed to wear my invisalign trays 22 hours a day and take them out only to eat.  OK……..I can deal with that.  Two hours to eat 3 meals a day is doable.

You can drink liquids with the invisalign in. No need to remove them.  BUT (and as the wise sage, Peewee Herman, once said……”everyone I know has a big BUT”)……’re not supposed to drink anything that has color to it while wearing invisalign because colored liquids will stain the plastic trays.  This would include such beverages as  – coffee, tea, blue raspberry icees (which are my favorite), and red wine………yes….RED WINE!!!!!  Are you kidding me??  I can’t drink red wine?? It’s true, though…….If I drank red wine with my trays in, then I’d be walking around looking like this (without the  5 o’clock shadow…..hopefully).

man.......that's nasty

man…….that’s nasty

I knew about this “forbidden drinking of colored liquids” going in to this treatment. I have to admit, I almost didn’t go with invisalign when I found out that I couldn’t drink my merlot while wearing them.  I came “this close” to telling the orthodontist to just slap on the heavy duty metal braces and let me go so I could get to happy hour.   My merlot was waiting and there was no way that stupid plastic teeth trays were gonna cramp my wine.

And look - she's reading, intellectual wino!

I like to read,too, while having a glass of wine, but I usually wear my white bra

I know you’re all probably worried about how I am ever gonna be able to indulge in my nightly glass(es) of wine while I undergo this invisalign orthodontic treatment.  I know…… I said, I was sick with worry about it myself!  But – after many agonizing wine-absent hours, I came up with 3 viable options:

1) switch to white wine (an OK alternative) or other clear alcoholic beverage.  Not ideal, but doable

2) adhere to the below schedule which means removing my trays for the allotted total of 2 hours –

  • 10 minutes for breakfast which would include chugging extremely hot coffee and shoving a bunch of pop-tarts in my mouth;
  • no lunch because I’m too busy at work to eat lunch;
  • 15 minutes for dinner – not including waiting in the drive-thru;
  • 1 hour and 35 minutes to sip wine

3)  buy a straw and suck that merlot right past the teeth and down the gullet so I never have to remove my trays

yep......that'll work

yep……that’ll work

I’m good with all 3 of those solutions.  Problem solved!  Sleep well, my friends!


My Oral Odyssey Is Leading to Teenage Angst

I’m sorry, but  I need to post this information because it will be the cornerstone of my life for the next 2 years.  This is my oral odyssey and resulting side effects that I have hinted about in previous posts.

Although I am not British, I think my teeth are.  I’m beginning to suspect that my mom must have had an affair with an English gentleman that resulted in my birth and bad teeth?  Cheerio and let’s have a cuppa!

Who wouldn't fall in love with Austin Powers?!

I think this is my real dad

If I’m not part-British, then this is what I do know……..I was a tetracycline child.  Tetracycline was the go -to antibiotic when I was young.  Many of my colds were treated with tetracycline even though my ailment might have been viral and not bacterial.  Little did doctors and dentists know back then that constant tetracycline use discolored teeth and deteriorated the enamel. I have paid (dentally and financially) for that antibiotic ever since.

Without going into my extremely boring dental history…..the long and short of it is that I need a mouthful  of expensive and complicated work done.   I have 2 professionals – a prosthodontist and an orthodontist working together on my case.  These 2 docs have devised a very extensive (read expensive) plan to get my bite back on track, create space in my mouth and crown a bunch of teeth.   I’ve given orders to my docs that I want to look like this:

OK......I realize I have a long way to go

OK……I realize I have a long way to go

I have blonde hair, 2 eyes and a nose………so it could happen, right?  Guess I better bring a cosmetic surgeon onboard.

Obviously I’ve got some years on Carrie, but I have a plan.  I am counting on being awarded “Nicest Smile” when I end up in a nursing home.  And I’m gonna flash that dazzling smile at the cute orderly and suggest that he give me a lovely back rub!  Yeah, baby – I’m getting the most out of all of this dental work!

Oh dear God....this woman actually looks like me

Oh dear God….this woman actually looks like me

Before I can get that brilliant smile, I need to go through the orthodontic part.  I finally got my Invisalign “braces” the other day.  They are basically clear thin plastic trays that fit snuggly over my top and lower teeth.  Different pressure points on the trays and on my teeth will move my teeth.  This is what they look like.

She doesn't even need invisalign!

She doesn’t even need invisalign! Her teeth are perfect!

Although the invisalign trays are not as obtrusive as individual braces, I am reliving my teenage years when I really did have braces – the metal kind that were totally noticeable.  The fact of the matter is……I do basically have braces again.  My teeth are killing me!  My tongue is sore from the appliances.  Isn’t it time for more Tylenol, please?

I’m pretty sure that my face is gonna breakout any minute now.  I feel the urgent need to get myself some Clearasil , a box of maxi pads and maybe a training bra………should probably pick up some Midol while I’m at it.  I’ve found myself daydreaming about someone asking me to the homecoming dance!!  This is who I hope asks me.

My homecoming honey!

My homecoming honey!

And I might need to quit my job so I can hang out at the mall more.  I’ve found myself saying stuff like, “wow…, really?  did that….like….really happen?   Oh my Gaaad”  My inner Valley Girl is taking over.  My hormones are just all over the place and all I want to do is talk to my bff on the phone.

On one hand…….I love my curfew of being in bed by 10 PM because I can’t stay awake much longer than that.  I really look forward to brushing and flossing my teeth after every meal.  It’s cathartic to take out the trash.  On the other hand…….I find myself putting mostly clean clothes in the hamper instead of folding them and putting them away. And I leave dishes in the sink for someone else (Kevin) to clean.   Egads!  I’m caught between teenager and middle-ager; millenial and centennial; hell-bent and helicoptering.

So, like….talk to the hand……’s 10 PM and time for some Tylenol and bed!

I gotta get me some of those glasses stat!

‘night mom and dad


Well…….it’s been a while since I’ve posted.  I don’t know……….just not seeing much humor in life right now.  I have a close friend whose family is currently going through a troubled time  with the death of someone they held dear.  Life is really pretty terminal isn’t it?  Decisions one makes can change their life and subsequently yours in an instant.  One person’s solution is another person’s grief.  So sad.

I went to a very powerful presentation this week on campus.  The mother of an 8 year- old boy talked about how alive and vibrant her son was one minute and how she held him as he died in her arms the next minute.  They were crossing the street after attending a musical concert that Owen’s sister had participated in at a local high school.  Owen had been given a one dollar bill by his grandfather because Owen had been so good during the performance.  As the family began crossing the street, Owen exclaimed to his mother that he wanted his dollar to go toward a treat for the family at McDonalds.  It was March 2011 and Shamrock milkshakes were being offered again.  Suddenly,  a car came careening into the crosswalk where the family was crossing.  A 17 year -old driver who was distracted by her cell phone at the time, hit Owen right in the middle of the crosswalk.  That one decision to take her eyes off the road to focus on her cell phone while driving, forever changed the life of many……….mainly Owen, his family, and the driver herself.  Owen died in his mother’s arms from a totally avoidable incident.  Our young society is so connected to technology that they will make the determination to risk the lives of themselves and others to text and talk on cell phones while driving.  Is that instant connectivity so important to endanger those in your path?

Life is a mangled composite of decisions……good, bad, stupid, wise, indifferent, every day, long-ranging choices.  How do you teach your kids that most decisions they make will greatly affect the people they love?  The mantra “It’s my life,” just doesn’t cut it.  It’s not just your life.  It’s our lives.  I will be the one there for support when you make your decisions.  I will be the one to cry with you, laugh with you, help carry your burdens, share your joys, and provide unconditional comfort and encouragement.  My heart breaks when yours does.  My eyes cry your tears.  My soothe to your pain.

I wish that our schools and parents focused more on fostering good decision-making skills.  Remember how we were taught to make the pros and cons list?  Kids today won’t take the time to do that or think things through.  Act and react without any forethought…….deal with the consequences later and……oh well.

Sorry to be such a Debbie Downer on this post.  The root canal that I had yesterday has left me in a pissy state of mind.

On a positive note – I will be seeing the Hazelnut in less than 2 weeks!  We are meeting Leah and Hazel at Boston Children’s Hospital on Oct. 25 where she will have an endoscopy and her G-tube removed and sutured.  She will be put under anesthesia and kept most of the day at BCH.  Hazel and Leah will come back to Hershey for a day or 2 and then Kevin, me, Hazel, and Leah will all fly back to Salt Lake City where Kevin and I will stay for a few days and enjoy the Nut while Leah works.

Hazel and teddy going to school

Hazel and teddy going to school

Oh – and I get my Invisalign braces on Monday……yay!  Hopefully I will break out in pimples and get my period as well!!

Peace and love to you all.

You are only as happy as your unhappiest child

So…….after much reflection of this sunburnt mind, I’ve realized that I should only share my own experiences…….I will try to make those as exciting as possible!  I will not be including the thoughts and the involvement of some close to me.   Unfortunately, my life intertwines closely with some, but I will separate as needed.  My blog is important to me and is a release for me.  I will make the changes as necessary.

That aside…here are some recent reflections:

Don’t shave your legs after consuming a bottle of wine…… could be a bloody affair and one you will regret as scabs form on your shins and knees……….so much for wearing that cute sundress

Your dogs or cats will always love you and accept you unconditionally…..return the favor. If you don’t own a pet, get one ASAP!

Foam mattresses are crap………buy a coil-spring or posturepedic mattress.  You shouldn’t feel like you are climbing uphill out of a hole when your significant other is in bed with you.

The songs/callings of northern birds beat the crap out of seagulls

Nothing surpasses the sound of a waterfall

“No maintenance” landscaping is a great concept……..but there is nothing like getting your hands in mother earth to feel alive, creative, meaningful. and spiritual…….the dominions of earth, air, wind and fire…..each has a purpose

Your favorite  sports teams and their successes are a great distraction.  But there are more important things to life.  You will still have to awake at some ungodly hour and go to work  regardless of what your team did the night before.

Where you retire really doesn’t matter………….being near your children, grandchildren or family does.

And most importantly………… are only as happy as your unhappiest child.